Minutiae

I arranged the TV show sweater-vest work in progress near the window for a photo.  Clementine, my devoted desktop associate and sometime critic has come in for a closer look.  She expressed her approval by blowing bubbles.

What you can't tell from this picture is that this has been the Gnarliest hem facing of my entire knitting career.  Why Gnarly?  Because I decided that I wanted a wrap sweater without pausing to weigh the ramifications; namely that a sweater which wraps must overlap itself by about a third.  More sweater width = more stitches.  No big deal that, unless you are a dumbass who wants to make a sweater out of sock yarn.  You guessed it:  320 stitches in a row on US size 2 needles.  And if that weren't bad enough, the depth of the hem to be faced meant that I shouldn't join the round until after the facing was done, amounting to 38 rows of FLAT stockinette.  Flat stockinette, in my opinion, is the knitting equivalent of sitting through a lecture on Dung Beetle Husbandry.  With a hangover.  Flat stockinette in sock yarn on size 2's with 320 stitches in a row is the knitting equivalent of being number 427 in line at the DMV.  On Christmas Eve.  When the "now serving" sign says "8".  And having to pee.  

So when I tell you that it took me three days to push through the wall on the @$%*! hem facing, I hope you will appreciate the relief and triumph with which I began the sweater part of the sweater.  And you will also understand how it is that I know Clementine approves.  She wouldn't dare not.

Here's a better view of the interesting part, now happily joined in a round and well underway:

I am beginning to think that hand painted yarn is the only way I want to live.  The colors are so much more complicated.  So deeply nuanced, and full of surprises!  It's the difference between poster paint and watercolors.  Clementine approves, and so do I - fish are seldom wrong about knitting.

Wardrobe Malfunction

This is a swell new pile of handpainted superwash merino.  It comes from here and here, courtesy of my LYS.  It turns out that I have to go on TV sporting something handknitted, and I haven't got a thing to wear.  Here are the rules for what must be worn on a TV show about knitting:

1.  Wear something in the style you will be demonstrating
2.  No loud colors
3.  Nothing in Black, White, or Red
4.  No high necks
5.  Nothing that opens down the front, because it could gap
6.  Something that opens down the front, because you have to wear a microphone
7.  No short sleeves
8.  Nothing that is hot

Those are just a few of the guidelines, and I have received them more than once.  The TV people are neither kidding, nor interested in the fact that all of their rules contradict one another.  1 and 2, for instance, are diametrically opposed, if I'm the person wearing it.  Everything I own falls under number 3.  5 and 6 cancel each other out, and 7 & 8 are just plain silly.

So I wracked my brain and came up with my best solution:  A wrap-style vest, with a jewel-toned blouse underneath.  And I am exhausted from the effort of thinking it up before I've even begun.  Naturally, I have less than two weeks to complete it.  It's gonna take a time-space-continuum knitting miracle, plus blood sacrifice to the Knitting Gods.  What could possibly go wrong?

I think I need new shoes, too.
 

Unnecessary Roughness

Gruesome, isn't it?  I wasn't even reefing on it - honest.  I was minding my own business, lever knitting on my ubiquitous 1 x 1 scarf (note how much longer than last time it isn't), when all of a sudden the end of the needle was pointing to a totally different part of the room than the point of it.  I was Horrified.  Stunned.  Made a number of (presumeably) strange faces while I opened and closed my mouth, carp-like, in disbelief.  Imagine my chagrin when Phillip laughed his butt off and accused me of Full Contact Knitting.  He has taken to asking me how many needles I have left each day.  I don't know why it tickles him so, but he is delighted by my accidental display of brute force.  That's when I remembered:  Dude did NOT produce a Valentine this year.  Or even an apology.  Just plain blew it off.  Guess what he's giving me for a belated present:

Yep, they're Signatures, and they're on their way to my house Right Now.  I have been resistant to metal needles since about day one, but I think the problem is that I never liked the feel of "swinging" them as I throw all my stitches right-handed.  I also have had problems with the slipperiness of metals I've tried in the past.  But since my rosewood size three's clearly cannot take the heat required for me to learn lever knitting on this particular 1 x 1 rib scarf, it's time to bust out some heavy artillery.  Plus, they are dead sexy - even if I don't like knitting with them, I'm still gonna dig looking at them.  And Phillip got me a killer Valentine, even if he doesn't know it yet (yes; I DID give him a present - Brooks Brothers necktie, thank you very much).  I'm thinking that if my spouse Amnesias enough special occasions, I could have the whole set in no time.  While I'm waiting for the goods, I started to swatch a new confection for Black Water Abbey:

That's a beautiful swatch, right there; I don't care who you are.  I didn't do the color any favors with this shot, but believe me when I tell you that Old Purple Rocks.  This is gonna be just the thing to bring the Spring!