Degrees of Force Required

Thank you so much, Gentle Readers, for supplying the words I needed but could not find.  Thanks to your efforts, I mentally reenacted my encounter with Coach Dumbass in my mind about fifty times, slaying him with a different zinger each time.  And I did it all while retaining the high ground.  Your pithy comebacks were all I needed to feel vindicated, without actually poking this poor ignorant guy with my rapier-like wit.  Or my knitting needles.  You have saved Lindsay from being known to him as "The Kid with the Horrible Knitting Mother". 

At least for now.

Just Do Your Best to Stay Awake

I know yawning is contagious.  I wonder if rudeness is too?

I spoke to my daughter's new water polo coach over the phone for the first time.  He very kindly advised me about practice times and where to get the right swimsuit, and welcomed Lindsay's participation enthusiastically.  He asked for my e-mail address so he could include us in bulletins about the team. 

MSH:        "Oh, it's Mary at maryscotthuff.com."

Coach:     "Wow!  Got your own website, huh?  That's impressive.  What do you do for a living?" 

MSH:        "I design, teach and write books about knitting". 

Coach:      Dead silence.  Then: "Oh my God I'm yawning just thinking about that." 

Um, sir, did you know you just said that out loud?

Yep.  There are people in this world who think of knitting as so universally maligned that they even expect US to agree that it's boring.

And worse than that, I missed the opportunity to slay him with a zinging response.  Totally choked and mumbled something like "yeah, well..."  Really?  A smartass like me couldn't even muster up "I know you are but what am I?"  Humiliating.

But redemption can still be mine, Gentle Readers: I'm meeting the guy in person this afternoon.  Post all the pithy responses I should have thought of, won't you?

Not For Amateurs

This warning appears on the back of the package my new knitting needles arrived in.  I always suspected that we were taking our lives into our own hands when we decided to knit.  Now I have proof.

"...by an untrained/unfamiliar person..."  That's pretty much it, my friends:  If you don't know what you're about, there's a chance you could get hurt.

Words to live by.  Knit Safely, Gentle Readers.