I Made the English Teacher Choose

Okay, I'll admit it:  I'm totally overwhelmed.  Your contest entries were touching, profound, hilarious and heartbreaking.  They knocked my (handknit) socks off.  I laughed, I cried, I marveled at your genius.  I am totally unqualified to pick a winner from the 85 perfect slices of knitting pie that you posted. 

And thank goodness, I don't have to.

See, at my house, when there is a job that I just CAN'T do (pickle jar opening, toxic chemical management, disposal of anything the cat has dismembered) I call in the benchwarmer:  Rough, Tough, Mr. Huff.  And this time, he's actually more qualified for the job than I, having been licensed by the state we live in to teach writing to people.  Well, to teenagers, who I'm told are similar to people.  So without further ado, I'm handing the mike over to Phillip, the blog's reluctant hero:

"Hello...is this thing on? Testing one, two, three."

Let me first thank you all for your submissions. They truly are a joy to read, and provide a welcome respite from 180 "The Lottery" essays I've been reading (If I cause any Middle/High School flashbacks by mentioning Shirley Jackson's creepy "The Lottery", well, it's just one more service this English teacher provides).

My main criteria for determining the winner was a vivid story.  As you all now know, compressing the beginning, middle and end into six words is no mean feat, and everybody did a fantastic job.  I worked my way down to ten, and then re-read.  Drank whiskey.  Re-read some more.  Then I made my choice.

If it were up to me, I'd give all of you prizes, but The Mrs. says there is only one prize to award, no matter how many times I ask her (See how I put it all back on her?  It's a skill).

This memoir tells the most vivid story:  "Pattern chewed to poop. Dog lived." By Chris.

The image of that bad dog and his plight really resonated with me, which may or may not have been influenced by a certain husband who accidentally threw out some wool fleece a little while back.

I really enjoyed this opportunity to share all of your knitting memoirs.  And in the spirit of the contest, here's mine:

Six words speak volumes.  Thank you.

From Mary:  Congratulations to Chris, and to all of you who took the time to distill and share your pivotal experiences.  Gentle Readers, as ever, I am humble in your company.